TheSewSewMom

Stitching Together Family, Creativity & Sanity

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  • Ahhh… The Ever-Complicated Blended Family

    I’ve witnessed the blended family from three perspectives: as a child, as a biological mom, and as a stepmom. Each role gave me a completely different view.

    My parents divorced in 1997 when I was just seventeen. They remain friendly to this day. It is not because they deeply want to be in each other’s lives, but because it made things easier for everyone.

    At twenty-one, I had my daughter. A year later, I left her dad because of his addiction. Even though he was no longer in the picture, I chose to keep close with his mom and sister. Why? Because I wanted my daughter to grow up surrounded by a family who loved her. She spent time with them when I worked, and she knew she had a support system.

    Those are two examples of adults putting the child first. It was not necessarily what we would have chosen, but what our children needed.

    When I met my husband, my daughter was eight, his daughter was three, and his son was two. We were both divorced, neither of us interested in marriage or more children. Based on my co-parenting experiences, I expected a smooth, cooperative situation. I was wrong.

    Over time, I learned some non-negotiables of co-parenting that I now swear by:

    1. Your time with your kids is not your time, it’s their time.

    So many arguments I’ve heard between parents could have been avoided with simple respect and better communication. Ideally, parents schedule events during “their” custody time. But life doesn’t always work that way. If something special falls on the other parent’s day, communicate openly. Let them take the child if possible; if not, ask permission to step in. Children should never miss out because parents are fighting over whose “time” it is. This is their childhood, don’t let power struggles steal it.

    2. It’s a good thing for more people to love your kids.

    Yes, there are nightmare scenarios but those situations are not the norm.

    In most cases, step-parents and bonus parents want to help. I’ve made it a point to “stay in my lane,” even when it was hard. For example, I recognized my stepdaughter’s ADHD years before her mom wanted to acknowledge it. I raised concerns respectfully, supported my stepdaughter’s struggles, and eventually encouraged her to advocate for herself. By high school, she finally got the support she needed by speaking to her mom directly.

    The truth is, acknowledging step-parents as part of your child’s story doesn’t take away from your part. Imagine a big family full of helpers. You have someone who drives to practice, attends birthday parties, or comforts your child when you can’t be there. Why push that away? If someone is loving and helping your child, it’s not about hurting you. It’s about supporting them.

    3. Do not involve your children in money battles.

    In a perfect world, child support would always be paid in full and on time, and those funds would always be spent on the children. But the real world is messy. Some parents owe tens of thousands. Others pay faithfully but feel the money isn’t used for the kids. And far too often, kids hear about it.

    That is damaging. Children can’t grasp the full financial picture, they only hear that they’re a “burden” or that one parent doesn’t want to care for them. These conversations leave lasting scars on self-worth and relationships. Keep money talk away from your children, always.

    Closing Thoughts

    Blended families will never be simple. They require patience, humility, and the ability to put children’s needs above adult pride. I’ve seen what happens when that doesn’t happen and I’ve also seen the beauty that comes when kids are surrounded by love, no matter whose home they’re in.

    At the end of the day, the question is simple: 

    Am I making choices that serve me, or choices that serve the child? If we keep choosing the child, everyone wins.

  • Growing Up with a Narcissistic Parent: What I’m Doing Differently in My Own Family

    Narcissism is a buzzword right now. You hear it everywhere, but let’s be honest, most people who use the term don’t really know what it means. I do.

    I grew up with a narcissistic parent, and I experienced the egocentric, all-about-me side of it. It was her world, and the rest of us were just along for the ride. Most days, I felt unloved, unsupported, and like I could never measure up. That kind of upbringing leaves a mark, and I’ve carried it with me into adulthood.

    But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to define the way I parent. In fact, it’s shaped me into being intentional about not repeating the cycle.

    Here are three things I do differently in my home:

    1. An Open Door Policy

    My kids know I’m available to them, always. That doesn’t mean I never take time for myself (because I do). It means if they want to talk about absolutely anything, I will make time.

    I’ve learned that if you listen to the “silly” things when they’re little, they’ll trust you with the important things when they’re older. This has proven true in my own family.

    I have ADHD and can get overstimulated easily, so I make it obvious when I’m choosing them over distractions. I’ll pause the movie, flip my phone over, or turn away from whatever’s pulling at my attention, and I tell them: “I’m doing this because what you have to say matters to me.”

    That simple habit built trust. When my daughter (now 24) struggled with suicidal thoughts, she felt safe enough to tell me. Together, we got her help, and today she’s thriving—sharing her story on social media (@kenzie.sommers on Instagram) and traveling the world. I sometimes think, if she hadn’t believed I wanted to know, would she still be here today?

    2. Encouraging Their Passions (Even When It’s Inconvenient for Me)

    A lot of troubled young people have one thing in common: they don’t have anything positive to pour their energy into. That was me.

    In 6th grade, I got grounded for talking back. Part of the punishment was not being allowed to try out for cheerleading. Why? Because it would’ve been inconvenient for my mom to pick me up from practice. Instead, I had to take the bus home, where I filled my afternoons with the “nothing better to do” kids and that set me on a path I regret.

    So I do things differently. After elementary school, I’ve had intentional conversations with each of my kids about finding their thing—something that excites them, challenges them, and gives them purpose.

    When I was studying Occupational Therapy, one principle stuck with me: internal motivation is powerful. If you help a child discover their spark, you can help them grow it into a wildfire (the good kind).

    Even if their passions are inconvenient for me, I want them to chase them. The alternative, an empty space filled with the wrong influences is far worse.

    3. Doing Life Together

    My kids know they’re not doing life alone.

    Growing up, my friends didn’t know my parents. They weren’t around. When I struggled, I struggled in silence. That isolation made everything harder.

    In my house, it’s the opposite. We run as a family. We hang out together. My kids’ friends gather at our house, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    I want my kids to always know, if life knocks them down, we are right behind them to help them back up.

    Final Thoughts

    At the end of the day, every family has to find what works for them. These choices weren’t part of some carefully laid parenting plan. I just knew I never wanted my kids to feel the way I did growing up.

    It’s only recently that I’ve become more self-aware of why I parent the way I do. And honestly? I’m still learning, still growing, and still reflecting.

    What I do know is this: the cycle stops with me. And I’m excited to keep sharing what I discover along the way.

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  • 5 Creative Outlets That Help ADHD Families Calm the Chaos

    If you live in an ADHD household, you already know the drill: mornings can feel like a sprint, evenings can spiral into meltdowns, and even simple routines sometimes seem impossible. The truth is, ADHD brains thrive on stimulation and variety—which means the same old strategies for calming down don’t always work.

    Here’s the good news: creativity can.

    As a parent with experience working as an occupational therapy practitioner in education, (and a big believer in the power of making and creating), I’ve seen firsthand how tapping into art, music, and movement can help regulate emotions, build focus, and bring a sense of calm to the entire household. Creativity gives ADHD brains the dopamine boost they crave while also giving families tools that feel fun instead of clinical.

    Today, I’m sharing five simple creative outlets you can start using in your home—no perfection required.

    1. Drawing & Coloring for Emotional Regulation

    Sometimes kids (and adults) can’t talk through big feelings, but they can put pencil to paper. Keeping sketch pads, markers, or coloring books handy gives everyone a quick outlet for overwhelm.

    ✨ Try this: the next time your child is frustrated with homework, invite them to draw what “frustration” looks like instead of forcing words. Parents—grab a pen and doodle alongside them. Modeling creativity shows that it’s not about “being good at art,” it’s about using art to calm your brain.

    2. Music + Movement Breaks

    Restless energy is a classic ADHD challenge, and sitting still rarely works. Music and movement provide a creative reset that can shift the whole mood of the house.

    ✨ Try this: keep a “dance break” playlist ready to go. When tension builds, pause and do one silly song together—march around the house, play “freeze dance,” or drum on pots and pans. You’ll be surprised at how quickly laughter and rhythm melt away irritability. My favorite as my kids have gotten older is having a playlist of chill music that I love playing in the background when doing a non-preferred task (think cleaning their room). It makes it go by much more quickly and with significantly less arguing.

    3. DIY Calm Kits

    A calm kit is simply a basket of sensory-friendly creative tools your child can grab when they need regulation. Instead of reaching for a screen, they’ll have other options ready to go.

    ✨ Ideas for your kit: modeling clay, stress balls, stickers, doodle pads, fidget toys, washi tape, or even a mini Lego set. Keep it stocked with things your child actually enjoys—ownership makes them more likely to use it.

    4. Creative Routines That Actually Stick

    ADHD brains often resist structure, but they love novelty and visual cues. That’s where creativity comes in.

    ✨ Try this: use art supplies to build a daily routine chart. Color-code chores by person, decorate a visual timer with stickers, or let your child design “chore cards” they can flip over when tasks are done. Turning routine into a game makes it easier to follow through. This works really well to boost those executive functioning skills. You can cut out pictures of shoes put on shelf, laundry in dirty clothes basket, garbage in trash can, and glue them on some tag board in order to help them get tasks done in a way that makes sense.

    5. Family Creative Rituals

    When everyone is dysregulated, connection matters most. A family creative ritual can be the anchor point that resets the whole day.

    ✨ Try this: pick one weekly creative tradition—Friday night paint-and-pizza, a Saturday Lego challenge, or a daily 10-minute “family doodle time.” These rituals don’t just reduce stress; they build joy, memories, and belonging.

    A Quick Note for Parents

    If you’re raising ADHD kids, your calm matters. It’s easy to pour all your energy into helping your child, but creativity can be your outlet, too. Whether it’s journaling, painting, knitting, or adult coloring books—make space for yourself. Your regulation sets the tone for the household.

    Final Thoughts

    ADHD households don’t need perfection. What they need are playful, creative tools that meet brains where they’re at. The outlets above aren’t about making something “Pinterest-worthy”—they’re about shifting energy, finding calm, and building connection in the middle of everyday chaos.

    If you try one of these outlets this week, I’d love to hear how it goes! Drop a comment below or share your family’s favorite creative outlet—I might include it in a future post.